So the latest political poll has the Labour Party sitting at a dismal 28% which if my maths is correct is just over one quarter or five ninths if you’re still wathing TV One or using imperial measurements. So what’s going wrong for Labour? Well firstly let’s look at their name. In 2016 nobody likes the word “labour”. It equates to drudgery, strain, stress, toil, struggle and grind. It conjures up images of feces, sexual assault and failure. And it turns people into dole bludgers, lesbians and Maoris. Those are the simple facts as we know them.
But let’s look at the personalities of the Labour Party. Well, to be honest there are none. No aspirational millionaire leaders. No humpty-dumpty dismissive one line deliverers. No straight talking hard working, troll outing, solo mum former beneficiaries. Just middle of the road career politicians who get up in the morning, listen to National Radio, do their ablutions and head to work in Japanese cars.
And here’s the problem: we don’t have any problems in New Zealand. Most New Zealanders are rich. We drive European cars and we listen to Newstalk ZB. Nearly all of us live in million dollar houses. Many holiday in Fiji once a year and enjoy expensive wine. A large percentage of the population wear Italian dress shoes with no socks. And things continue to get better for all of us. Labour is a party of doom and gloom, of pessimism and drudgery, struggle and grind. And until they look on the bright side of life and realise that things are just great here, they’ll only attract the voting scum.
Happy days. We’ll see you tomorrow.