The Pineapple Incident

CC Kyle McDonald

G’day there. Many of you would have heard about my unfortunate incident with the pineapple yesterday morning on the Mike Hosking Breakfast, the number one rating breakfast radio show in New Zealand for the past 54 years. We’ve been enteraining, brainwashing and forcing Magness Benrow products down the crusty throats of the nation’s elderly and infirmed since World War II.

But yesterday things nearly ground to a halt, and it all came down to a cheap bit of pineapple which became wedged in my throat during a cross with Martin Devlin. Here’s how it went down: Devlin was punishing me about sport and I was attempting to loosen some fecal material that had built up in my colon by eating fruit salad when disaster struck. A bit of penny-pinching pineapple became wedged in my wind pipe. Devlin continued to punish like a fax machine on send, meanwhile I was dying. In the end, nothing came of it. It was a non story, a storm in a fruit bowl, a lot of hogwash, an opportunity for the leftist haters to continue hating ways.

I coughed and the pineapple released, and I breathed a massive sigh of relief as did the entire Newstalk ZB revenue team, a couple of sales people at Continental Cars, the owner of Peregrine Wines, the wanker who brings in Versace into New Zealand and the people that sell Black & Decker mini vacuum cleaners. I’m not the news, I’m just an incredibly highly paid non-biased non-journalist and I’m alive, and I’m loving life.

Happy masticating. We’ll see you tomorrow.